I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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