Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
