I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
