One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
