My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
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