You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I want to walk on stilts...naked
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
