Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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