i just google imaged poop.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
