Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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