plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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