Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
