I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
