Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
