hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
