Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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