Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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