my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
