Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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