I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
