why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
There r osticjed everywhere
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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