I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
