Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Are we still banned from the library?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
