8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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