I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
