I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
