I hope mine doesn't look like that
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
