You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
