I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
