Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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