wanna go halves on a baby?
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
