Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
