i used baking grease as lip gloss
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
