Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
