I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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