Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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