i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
