turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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