what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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