yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
