I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
