Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
