just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
