last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
