OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
