One girl and one boy is just not enough.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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