Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
