So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
