Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
