quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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