the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
