i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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