Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
